I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
