I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
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