worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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