We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
