you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
