remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
