3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
This house was built for laser tag.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
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