three words: i give head
three words: not that well
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
My bed smells like the plague
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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