Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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