i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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