I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Randomize