id be glad to
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
is wine microwaveable?
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
