I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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