I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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