Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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