So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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