I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I want to be your penis for a week.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Randomize
