Define "chronic" masturbator.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
