if i died would you start the facebook group?
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
