where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize