took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
