i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Randomize
