Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
