so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
