Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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