you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
