Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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