I'm gonna have a badass scar
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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