im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Cover your peen. We're going out.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
