you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
