so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
