I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
