Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
