Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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