Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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