Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
