Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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