Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
