3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
