we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
