i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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