The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
