I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
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