So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
