R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
