Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
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