he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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