Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Who put my cat in the fridge?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
