before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
God, I missed his penis.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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