moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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