The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
