I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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