i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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