i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
