I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
i just google imaged poop.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
