I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
