Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
