It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
