my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
