He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
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