I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
