Swine flu. Run for my life!
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
