Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
this hospital has no fireball
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
