yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize