My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
