Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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