community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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