My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
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