There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
