He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
