The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
