you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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