just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
