8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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