They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
