i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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