Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
