I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I need a burrito and a hug.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
