Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
