I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
