so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Randomize