smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
