I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
