I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
is wine microwaveable?
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
