i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
