I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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