the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Randomize