lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
