New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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