remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
