My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
