Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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