I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
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