My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
