waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
