Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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