I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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