I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
