Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
She's the barista slut.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
