No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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