alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
