he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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