I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Randomize
