I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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